“All the best stories are but one story in reality – the story of escape. It is the only thing which interests us all and at all times, how to escape.” — A. C. Benson

It had never occurred to us to ask, “Where do conspiracy theorists go for early retirement?”

Then we visited Vilcabamba, a little town in southern Ecuador.

Across the developed world, there’s a rich business in convincing prospective retirees to up stakes and retire overseas. The concepts of lifestyle arbitrage and starting over are compelling to many: a retirement savings account might buy a better lifestyle abroad than it could back home while the economic hatch provides an escape into a new life.

On the surface, Vilcabamba seemed to fit the same retirement-ideal profile. Its aesthetic recalled the desert southwest: red rocks, blue skies, dry air. Its moniker, The Valley of Longevity, suggested it might just be a good place to grow old. And the whole package – we’re told — is relatively low cost.

But there was something different about Vilcabamba. Something – let’s say a la Roswell, New Mexico.

We couldn’t sit down for a meal without being cornered by a stranger hoping to inform our understanding of the world with an unsolicited dump of the world’s latest conspiracy theories. In a few days, our education included everything from the illuminati and their plans to cull the human race by propagating tainted H1N1 flu vaccines to a 1950s U.S. government cover-up of the orgone accumulator.

We even learned about the fascism of the pelvis.

Add to this the widely circulated 9//11 and UFO theories, and you’ve got yourself a night on the town.

“It’s all true. You can look it up on the internet,” we were told repeatedly.

Oh, the irony of selective skepticism.

The whole experience fired our curiosity. Why might those prone to conspiracy theorizing seek utopia in this far off land? To find out, we buttonholed one of Vilcabamba’s foreigners as he was making plans to set down roots in the area and we asked him a few questions.

Note: The internet is a tiny place. Names have been changed to protect both the guilty and the innocent.

Uncornered Market (UCM): In our travels so far in South America, Vilcabamba appears to be home to a very high concentration of recently arrived expatriates.

Pat X: In fact, the ex-pat community amounts to less than 300–maybe less than 250.

UCM: Out of a local population of 4000, that sounds like a lot.

UCM: What is it that attracts so many foreigners to Vilcabamba? How do people hear of Vilcabamba in the first place?

Pat X: A rumor's going around that Mandango, the sandstone formation above the village, contains a crackpot magnet. If that's not provable, then you'd have to look to International Living and other real-estate promotions, equally over-romanticized personal blogs, and word of mouth among the disaffected types that seek refuge in remote places presumed capable of supplying real and abstract amenities.

UCM: How did you find out about Vilcabamba and why did you choose it?

Pat X: I wandered through and was appalled. In fact, I'd never consider living on this ship of fools.

UCM: In the short time we stayed in Vilcabamba, we met a variety of characters. How would you characterize the expats who have chosen to live there?

Pat X: Exactly as you have: as characters–many of whom seem paranoid, or xenophobic, or deluded, or unprepared for foreign life, or on the run from personal inadequacies that they blame on something or somewhere else. Mix and match as you care to. A few exceptions exist: some learn Spanish, integrate into the outlying communities, and, usually, avoid the village whenever they can.

UCM: At a local restaurant, we noticed a sign in English asking people to stop gossiping about each other. We thought that was a rather adult way to diffuse a situation. What is the story there?

Pat X: To call it “adult” would be to idealize the population it was addressing. The notice came and went–the gossip stayed.

Think of it as a permutation of “nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here”: the Ecuadorian locals are left out, for the most part–they're deprived of land because it's either sold or too expensive to buy, and except for those in tourist-related niches, they're out of the rich life. In fact, they generally can't even graze their cattle on unused land because the foreign buyers won't go for it. So, if you put aside the few foreigners who have managed to join the community (and by that, I mean participate in and even properly benefit it), then what's left is the sort of person who chooses to live permanently in a place that's really meant to be temporary.

UCM: Are there different “camps” of expatriates?

Pat X: Of course. Most are divided by the conspiracy theories they espouse; and these groups, if advanced, may have subdivided into sects. For example, there are divisions among the UFO believers, and those espousing miracle solutions (e.g., to medical or energy problems), and those believing in separate agencies that are planning the conquest/destruction of–again, feel free to mix and match–humankind, good people (i.e., themselves), the poor, the rich, the whatever.

UCM: What are the top conspiracy theories circulating in Vilcabamba these days?

Pat X: “They” are conspiring to keep “Them” from giving us X or to deprive/hurt/kill “Them” with Y. “They” are any group to which power may be assigned (including aliens and other-dimensionals; and “Them” are everyone championed by whoever's espousing the theory. “X” might be free clean energy, miracle cures and whatever other utopian benefit the theorists believe in but don't in fact work to create or even know much about. “Y” is any substance or system deemed deleterious.

For example, the World Health Organization is using airliners (alleged by some to be only the white ones–though when sunlit at a height of seven miles, all look white) to spray humans with (poisons, mutagens, nanobots, additives, etc.), and that this explains the contrails that planes emit. And let's not forget world-wide fascism, economic collapse, anarchy, and various other doomsday scenarios, from all of which their evangelists think Vilcabamba will provide refuge.

Recently it was averred that Michael Jackson was murdered because he was going to denounce the H1N1 vaccine–but if, as some allege, he was an extraterrestrial, how could that be?

The post Vilcabamba, Ecuador: Conspiracy Theories in the Valley of Longevity appeared first on Uncornered Market.

Sure, we enjoyed our time in the Galapagos Islands. It’s difficult not to when you are surrounded by blue-footed boobies dancing their way to marriage and penguins torpedoing their way through the water.

But when travelers fly in and out of Ecuador only to see the Galapagos, they are missing out.

We’ve had the benefit of visits to Peru and Bolivia to help us put Ecuador into Andean perspective. Ecuador's animal market culture and aesthetic diversity surprised us. As we continue to reflect on our travels through South America, a few experiences in Ecuador – some conventional, some not – stand out.

1. Quito: Blue Skies and Beautiful Croissants

We thought we knew what a blue sky was supposed to look like. Then we arrived in Quito. At 2,800 meters (9,200 feet) in elevation, it's just a bit closer to the sky than most capital cities. Walk around Quito's old town and you'll feel it — not only because of the slight shortness of breath you might experience, but also because of the inimitable cloud-popping blue sky overhead. It's so surreal that you sometimes feel you can reach up and touch it — if only you could stretch just a little bit more.

Throw in a few parks, dramatic staircases, and a few of Quito's impressive colonial churches like San Francisco Church below, and you've got yourself a visual that you just might never forget.

The altitude certainly helped, but were the skies really that clear?

Perhaps the thin air had affected our judgment. Or maybe we’d spent too long in the smoggy lowlands of Central American cities like Managua, Nicaragua where even the dimmest of blue skies barely existed.

But it wasn’t just in our heads. And no, that sky is not photoshopped.

We would be remiss if we didn’t mention that Quito is also home to some of the best value pains au chocolat (chocolate croissants) in the Americas — huge, flaky, buttery, generously stuffed, and chip cheap at $0.50 a pop. While the croissants at Spicy Café (Amazonas Ave. & Roca) may not be able to compete with those in Paris’ finest patisseries, they were edible gold to us — two travelers having just spent four months eating tortillas and dry bread in Central America.

Compare rates for hotels in Quito.

2. Otavalo: Window-shopping for carpets and cuyes (guinea pigs).

Imagine our disappointment arriving before dawn at Otavalo's Saturday animal market only to find out that a local quarantine meant no llamas or other livestock would be sold that day.

Our letdown was mitigated by the enthusiasm of the cuy vendors and buyers. Cuyes of all sizes – from babies to those plump enough to be served as that evening's feast – filled the air with their squeaks. Prospective buyers looked closely, hoping to find faults and negotiate a lower price, but indignant vendors fought back, rebuffing the criticism and pretending they didn't need the business. At the universal sport of bargaining, the Ecuadorans are tough.

Otavalo's main event, however, is the handicrafts market surrounding the Plaza de Ponchos. Even though we don't often buy souvenirs, we enjoyed being engulfed in the colorful sea of handwoven carpets and wall hangings.

Note: The market can be overwhelming. To refresh your eyes and regain your sanity, consider escaping to Shenandoah Pie Company on the square for a beautiful piece of homemade pie. Ask the owner about her thirty years of pie-baking experience.

3. Quilotoa Loop: Brush up on your fatalism. Hang out with llama vendors.

If you are planning to travel overland through the Andes, there may be no better place to begin your “fatalism training” than the Quilotoa Loop.

“What is fatalism training?” you might ask.

Why, it’s overcoming the fear of falling off a cliff on a rickety bus by telling yourself: “If it’s going to happen, it's going to happen quickly.”

The buses – some with sheep strapped on top, others with chicken boxes lashed to luggage racks – circle the Quilotoa Loop, a group of villages that ring Laguna Quilotoa, a volcanic crater lake. Although the buses’ departure times are often inhumane (think 3:00-5:00 A.M), the views and experiences they afford make it all worth the effort.

Hiking the Quilotoa Crater

When our alarm went off at 4:00 A.M., I cursed it and was tempted to roll over. But I knew if I had, I'd regret it. I had a volcanic lake to visit.

After a bumpy chicken bus ride, we finally arrived at the lake's edge. The sun was just coming up and we were among the very few people there.

Note: If you are staying in Chugchilan (we enjoyed Cloud Forest Hostel), consider hiking back from Quilotoa Lake. The route is not very well marked as local guides conveniently pull out trail signs to create demand for their guide services. It still remains doable on your own without a guide. Ask your guest house to draw you a map and keep asking locals you meet along the way to be sure you are headed in the right direction.

Weekly Indigenous Market along the Quilotoa Loop

The Quilotoa Loop is also known for its weekly indigenous markets, with the Saquisili Thursday market being perhaps the most famous or frequented by travelers.

This small town grows exponentially in size on Thursdays, its weekly market day. In the wee hours of the morning, people from nearby mountain villages pour into town, poised to buy, sell, and trade everything from huge, squealing pigs to baby guinea pigs to piles of tree tomatoes.

For the Saquisili Thursday market, spend the night before in town so you're ready to catch the early morning market action before the buses from nearby towns begin to descend. We rose at 5:30 AM to catch the early morning trading scene at the animal market on the town's edge. The atmosphere is surprisingly intense, featuring expressive, heated bargaining, particularly between indigenous women.

Although Saquisili gets the mention in guidebooks for having the best weekly indigenous market along the Quilotoa Loop, our preference goes to smaller Zumbahua on the other side. The benefit of being deposited in Zumbahua on Saturday at a dark, frigid 5 AM? You get to see animals being taken to market: unruly goats here, squealing pigs there, docile sheep aligned in rows.

Then, of course, you have the iconic llama — and its iconic owner. We hung out with this woman as she turned down offers left and right for her two beauties. We believe that secretly she didn’t want to sell them.

4. Puerto Lopez: Whales up close.

Having spent a year at graduate school in Monterey, California, I associate whale watching trips with, “I’m going to spend a lot of money for a 10% chance to see a whale.”

Not so off the coast of Ecuador at Puerto Lopez.

If you time your visit right (June – September), you can spend $20 and be surrounded by a party of humpback whales jumping around your boat. It’s not uncommon to see whale families swimming together, with whale babies doing aerial gymnastics.

Compare hotel rates in Puerto Lopez.

5. Cuenca: Milk a goat at the market.

Goat milk doesn’t get any fresher than straight from the doe. At Cuenca’s main market, Feria Libre, that’s how it’s served. Watch as your serving is fresh-squeezed right before your eyes.

We had been told – many times in Ecuador in fact – that unpasteurized goat milk helps boost the immune and respiratory systems, making it a natural remedy for asthma, swine flu and other respiratory ailments.

Although we weren’t quite thirsty enough to try a glass straight from the source, we did try it in a cappuccino served at a creative little café in the northern Ecuadoran city of Ibarra.

It tasted OK, but I'll take my goat milk in the form of cheese next time, thank you.

Compare hotel rates in Cuenca.

6. Rural southern Ecuador: Challenge a group of indigenous women to a soccer match.

When we are on a photo shoot, we usually attempt to capture every moment. So when a group of women from a Kiva microfinance savings group invited us to their village and began a game of pick-up soccer (football), we were tempted to follow our usual form by taking photos.

Instead, we decided it was time to put down the cameras and join in.

The women — despite their less-than-athletic shoes and the burden of babies strapped to their backs – were impressive on the football pitch. Surprisingly fit and unsurprisingly accustomed to the altitude, they ran circles around us gringos.

Best of all: their smiles and laughter. It was as if the women had become kids again and had, at least for the moment, let go of life’s worries.

Travel Details: Accommodation, Food, Transport and Activities in Ecuador

Quito

• Accommodation: Casa Kanela is located in the Mariscal area of Quito, but is on a quiet side street so it doesn't feel like you're in the middle of bar and restaurant mayhem. $25 for a double room (shared bath), including breakfast. Free wifi internet. Address: Juan Rodriguez E8-46
• Restaurants: The Mariscal area of Quito has endless choices for international restaurants. Our favorites include: El Maple vegetarian restaurant (Joaquin Pinto and Diego de Almagro) for great three-course lunches ($4) and tasty pasta dishes, Uncle Ho's (Jose Calama and Diego de Almagro) for an Asian food fix (also with a bargain lunch menu), and Al Forno (Diego de Almagro and Baquerizo Moreno) for thin crust, wood fired pizza with every topping you can imagine. Our best market food experience was a fistful of sea bass (corvina) and bowl of ceviche big enough for two ($3) at Don Jimmy's at Mercado Central (Central Market).

Otavalo

• Accommodation: About four kilometers outside Otavalo in the hills is La Luna. It's a great starting point for hikes and to relax. Good fixed menus for dinner ($6-7 for three-course meal) and friendly dogs. Rooms run about $18 for a double room with shared bathroom.(2009 prices)

Quilotoa Loop

• Accommodation: In Saquisili, we stayed at San Carlos Hotel on the main square. A double room with a great view of the square and ensuite bathroom was $10. In Chugchilan, we stayed at Hostal Cloud Forest just outside the town. The staff did a great job managing large groups of travelers and were great with providing information on buses and hiking. Half board including a double room (en suite bathroom), breakfast and dinner is $10 per person.
• Transport: Buses are infrequent and often leave early, so be prepared to rise in the wee hours of the morning. Ask at your hotel for the latest times. From our experience, the bus from Saquisili to Chugchilan leaves at 11:30 on Thursdays (market day), Chugchilan to Laguna Quilatoa leaves at around 4-6 AM, and Chugchilan to Zumbahua departs at the ungodly hour of 3 AM on Saturdays.

Cuenca

• Accommodation: After getting about 200 bed bug bites between the two of us in three days at a simple pension in someone's home, we went running to Hostal Macondo. Don't worry, we sent everything to the laundromat before checking in. With a pleasant courtyard, clean rooms and good breakfast, this place was worth stretching our budget. $23 for a double room with shared bath. Wifi internet struggles in the foyer, but it works eventually if you hold a vigil.
• Where to Eat: Chicago Pizza (Gran Columbia across from Santo Domingo Church) serves up good pizza by the slice. We also ended many a meal with ice cream at Tutto Freddo on the main square.

Vilcabamba – not included above, but worth a visit

• Accommodation: We booked for three days at Le Rendez-Vous Guesthouse in Vilcabamba and reluctantly pulled ourselves away after a week. Each room has its own little patio with a hammock and chairs facing a garden courtyard and view of the surrounding mountains. Breakfast includes homemade bread, eggs, fresh fruit and strong coffee. $25 for a double room with ensuite bathroom (2009 prices), $4/day for wifi internet. A lovely place to relax and write.
• Where to eat: Because of the influx of foreigners to Vilcabamba (we wrote about that in another post), there's a lot of international food choices in this small town. Our favorites included fajitas at La Terraza (on main square), trout at Shanta's Bar (or, go for cuy/guinea pig), or Mexican fare at Sambuca on the main square.

Ecuador Photo Essays

• Best of Ecuador Travel Photos
• Quilotoa Loop
• Cuenca, Vilcabamba and the Coast
• Quito, Otavalo, and Ibarra

The post Ecuador Travel, More Than Just the Galapagos: What to Do, See and Eat appeared first on Uncornered Market.

I've been out of the dating game for exactly 12 years, so maybe I'm not the best person to write about how to snag a man. However, during our recent trip to the Galapagos Islands, I observed the behaviors of various birds and something struck me: their mating habits reminded me of those dating advice columns I used to read in Cosmo.

If memory serves, it's a cruel dating world out there. For those of you still in the game, take comfort that the animal kingdom knows no more forgiveness than our human one.

Were Charles Darwin to lead a voyage into the realm of dating advice, perhaps this is where he’d take us:

Note: We are not ornithologists. The information below comes from first-hand observations and the humorous, grain-of-salt commentary from Jorge, our guide in the Galapagos.

1. When your man brings gifts, be choosy.

The blue-footed booby female is. When a suitor brings her trinkets and twigs for the new nest, she inspects them. And if she doesn't like what she sees, she lets him know with a disapproving honk.

Don't accept just any old piece of flair. Inspect it. Make sure it's valuable and that your man had to search far and wide to obtain it.

2. It's perfectly acceptable to poop in his general direction if he brings inadequate gifts.

Iron-clad advice straight from the Galapagos. Blue-footed booby females will turn their backs on male suitors if they don’t like what they see in the way of gifts. And if the booby male gift-giving really falls flat, she'll turn her back, bend over and give a squirt of her own white paint.

Now I don't suggest going quite this far with your dissatisfaction, but you get the gist.

3. Make sure your man gets decked out.

The frigate bird male chooses a good bush and parks it. He primps, puffs out a red sac between his neck and chest, and struts his stuff to communicate his availability to the ladies flying by.

Yes, that’s right — males know they need to look their best in order to attract the right attention. But women make the choice.

4. Look for the guy with the best dance moves.

The man on the islands with the best moves: the blue-footed booby. In front of an interested female, he flares his wings, whistles and does a little jig with his big blue feet. If his moves are good enough, the booby bachelor will find himself one step closer to being mated for the season.

Watch a Video of Blue Footed Booby and Waved Albatross Dancing

5. Use the numbers to your advantage.

Be selective. Blue-footed booby females are…because they know they are outnumbered by their male counterparts. They build demand and make the men work for their attention.

So, next time you are at a bar and it's all men (i.e., a sausage hang), know that like the blue-footed booby, you have an advantage.

6. When choosing a mate, consider his taste in architecture.

During mating season, female frigate birds fly overhead and consider not only the size of a potential mate’s red pouch, but also the quality of the home (or bush) he has chosen.

When evaluating the man, look closely at his nest.

7. Make sure your man can sing.

The blue footed booby sings (whistles, really) his way into his beloved's heart. Be certain your mate is confident enough to serenade you in public.

8. Keep the romance alive by dancing every day.

After you've paired up, keep the spark alive by taking a cue from the waved albatross. Make sure you dance — and cross beaks — every day. Watch the video above for a how-to.

9. Make sure he's willing to share responsibilities.

Galapagos birds are remarkably egalitarian when it comes to sharing responsibilities between the sexes. Boobies, albatross, and frigates all divide time caring for the egg and newborn chicks.

Once you've chosen your guy, be clear about the responsibilities ahead. Is he willing to spend half the time warming the egg in the nest? Or taking care of the little one while you go out to fetch food?

10. Not everyone is monogamous.

In the bird kingdom, as in the human one, there are some birds that remain faithful and there are those who cannot help but choose someone new each season.

Figure out whether your man is more like a waved albatross (monogamous) or a nazca booby (a new mate every season). If you insist on straying, make sure you do so during the off season. Otherwise, everyone in the neighborhood will discover the indiscretion and next year's mating season could be awfully lonely.

Editor's Note (a.k.a, A Word From Dan): The editor will not entertain any personal questions regarding whether his behavior is more like that of a booby or that of an albatross.

The post Dating Advice from Galapagos Birds (or, When Charles Darwin Meets Cosmo) appeared first on Uncornered Market.

Ah, the Galapagos Islands. An iconic destination if there ever was one. But what's it really all about?

Swimming with penguins and sea turtles, watching waved albatross couples do their mating jig, playing with sea lions, and laughing at boobies (birds, that is). And that's just the beginning. This was not a typical week in our journey around the world. But then again, the Galapagos Islands are not your typical destination.

We share photos from the eight days we spent around the Galapagos Islands aboard a boat appropriately named Eden. From the remote northern island of Genovesa to the southern island of Espanola, this is a taste of what we experienced.

Two Photographic Tours of the Galapagos Islands

Galapagos Islands: Highlights

Galapagos Islands: The Full Story

Humans and Nature: A Delicate Balance in the Galapagos Islands

The Galapagos Islands: “off the beaten path?” Well, not quite. When you visit, you are required to do so with a guide who ensures that you stay on well-worn paths throughout the islands. This is just one of the steps that the folks running the national park take to reduce the growing stress on the animals and their environment.

Although the islands absorb between 500-600 tourists per day in the high season, it's not just the flow of visitors that affects the delicate Galapagos Island ecosystem. The natural population growth of large families already present on the islands and increased immigration of mainland Ecuadorans wanting to cash in on the tourism boom mean an increasing drain on natural resources, more garbage to dispose of and greater stress on the animals that call these islands home.

As our guide Jorge, a native Galapageno who has guided tourists for over 20 years, said: “If you stay on the path, there may still be something here in 20 years for other people to see.”

“Jorge, what about in 30 or 40 years?”

“I don't know.”

Humans have inhabited the Galapagos Islands for almost 500 years. The conflict between their needs and the animals' environment is nothing new.

But it now feels more fragile than ever.

The post 8 Days in the Galapagos Islands: A Photo Tour appeared first on Uncornered Market.